Now THIS is rock and roll! Via Stereogum.

But while we're on that topic yet again, damn that Diet Coke....then again, I agree that it is nice he is still making cash.

Today's post brought to you by my son. His first report! And I must say, it is brevity itself: full of drama and angst, glory and victory.

Enjoy!

"Abraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin in 1809. He did not like people having slaves. He was a lawyer.* President Lincoln was elected twice. He went to a play and someone shot him in the head.**"

* There was no influence given by Daddy for this fact. None.

** We had a very hard time convincing our son that there should be other facts beyond this violent one.

Canadian or not, I really wish these people were real. And I'm starting to hold off on the Canadian-hatin'. I like some real Canadians, and I think Rachel McAdams is real pretty. (I prefer her with dark hair). (Like Madonna).

And I love cartoons and For Better or For Worse is the one with the nicest and most real people. I read tons of them, including Mutts, my daughter's latest obsession. I also read Foxtrot, Baby Blues, Jump Start, Zits, LuAnn, Boondocks, Rhymes with Orange, Sally Forth, Bizarro, and occasionally some other dribble. My day is not complete without them. I admit it, and there it is.

It has been a weird day, full of pap smears and character smears and also love and sweets, but perhaps best described by saying that I heard a song by this completely unlikely band on the Muzak recording at the Bojangles, where I stopped to get my (un)sweet tea on.

That, in addition to the new Motorolla Razr phone ad is making me jaded.

Your Winter Olympics Moment: Last night, when watching the luge event, and thereby exposing my children to a sport that if they ever had a chance to actually do, would probably maime them, we heard a competitor announced as "The Speeding White Sausage". Mr. Georg Hackl, I decided, is probably known in his native land as something more like Der Speedin Bratwurst. But my meat-loving husband put me to right: he would be Der Speedin Knockwurst. Fine. I'll try to brush up on my German deli meats.

I have another blog that you don't know about, one I keep with a friend and is full of all kinds of kinky secrets and funny things that you will never know of nor see, but we do have a meme going, and here are my answers. The meme originated with the blogging glitterati such as the DOOCE and the FUSSY and all them.

FOUR JOBS I HAVE HAD:

1. Printing business salesgirl. One Toyota Corolla ('76), tons of flowy skirts, around 75 downtown businesses, and 104 degrees. I brought in lots of business for that company - perhaps due to the flowy skirts and the sweaty glow?

2. Head Counselor. I was so happy to get that freaking job - I got to sleep in a cushy double bed (versus cot), got to talk with adults (versus 9 y.olds), and was able to call Future Husband in Raleigh whenever I wanted (versus writing letters...which in retrospect was kind of romantic anyway).

3. Phone Friend. Involved dressing as a sexless, orange, fuzzy beast and walking in parades in Wake Forest and Garner.

4. Temp employee for the wealthiest and happeninist real estate company in the Triangle. They offered me full time employment and I turned it down to work in the non-profit do-gooder sector. Which got me to job #3. Hmmm.

FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER

1. The Philadelphia Story. Hepburn. Grant. Stewart. Yar.

2. Babe. I love the talking animals, yessir.

3. Moonstruck. I feel personally responsible for Nick Cage's success. That is another post for another day.

4. A Room With a View. You knew I was a Merchant-Ivory girl, so don't act so surprised.

FOUR PLACES I HAVE LIVED

1. Here

2. There (Macon, GA)

3. College (Greenville, SC)

4. The Mountains

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE

1. 24

2. Lost

3. The Colbert Report/The Daily Show

4. (south park)


FOUR PLACES I HAVE VACATIONED

1. Derbyshire, England (Mr. Darcy!)

2. Digby, Nova Scotia (famous for scallops?)

3. Tulum, Mexico (now we enter the vacationing with children category)

4. Disneyworld (repeat visit? I DON'T THINK SO.)

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO EAT

1. Salad

2. Fries

3. Cheesecake

4. Noodles

FOUR SITES I VISIT DAILY

1. Trent

2. WRAL.COM Doppler Radar

3. NYTimes online

4. Bob Mould's online diary

Senora Carranza, we hardly knew ye...rest in peace.

Britney, God help you. The coverage has been thorough, but Stereogum's caption on the story was my favorite: "DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE". I am truly hopeful that there is a really, really good reason for this.

I myself have never even unbuckled my children from their car seats, though I have a. not buckled them in the first place, oops, and b. left them in the back seat instead of taking them to day care (that was really my husband) and c. nursed in a moving car. That last maneuver really only proves how endowed I am and also that I will do anything to keep the car rolling down the road.

Honey, make sure the managing partners aren't walking by before you see this early Valentine's treat.

My hubby read books to my daughter's class today, and will do this for my son's class later in the week. What a good Daddy. If only they knew his dark obsession with the star of "Match Point".

Today's post brought to you my daughter, who has written a report that I find fascinating if only for its persuasive tactics. It is about Emperor penguins.

"My penguin is called the Emperor Penguin. It's the largest penguin int he world! It weighs up to ninety pounds and grows up to four feet tall.

I think penguins are so cute and feathery. They always know exactly what to do. Emperor penguins eat a variety of fish and squid. Their main predators are the sea lion, and the killer whales. That's cool! Emperor penguins look like a king penguin but bigger.

Isn't that interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

For some readon Emperor penguins are the most popular penguin for kids. Emperor penguins keep their young under a bit of fat.

Emperor penguins live in Antartica OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!** If you've been wondering they communicate with songs of chirps."

* approximate number of exclamation points

** exact number of exclamation points

As if you didn't know, today is the 100th day of school replete with thousands, nay, one hundred activities. Imagine my surprise today when I arrived at a kindergarten classroom to help out and found a sign that read "We Are Scientists!". Kindergarten is SO indie rock....

It's time for my annual "why the hell do I have to be so old, broke, and boring" rant....we'll get there someday.

The times are, I hope, a'changin'. I think that there is going to be a not-too-distant mecca when gas-guzzling vehicles are frowned upon, and the government will take responsibility for irresponsible environmental policies and corporate incentives that produce the same. Here is an article the likes of which we will be seeing a lot of in the coming days...if we're lucky: Climate Expert Says NASA Tried to Silence Him - New York Times

I always talk about Oprah in January, a sure sign that I am in a slump and feeling woeful...but I've maintained a no-watch policy from day one of her nationally syndicated, hugely successful, major barometer of nationals moods talk show. But I do read the magazine. Don't buy it, mind you, but I read it. And I like it. And I think it helps me. And now: my daughter has picked her subject for her Black History Month report. GUESS WHO?

Yeah, I've seen this phenomenon....I actually believed that most of the kids (much younger than me) were letting their friends hear the concert, and of course some are taking pix...of each other no less....but I digress. Stereogum's commenters reveal that sometimes the effect is lovely - as in U2's shows when the uberglows of cell phones look like so many stars in the stadium seating. BUT I WOULDN'T KNOW AS I MISSED THIS TOUR. AGAIN.

But again I digress. I was annoyed as fuck by the cell phone calls and picture taking and this old bag would like to see them banned from all shows. Who's with me?

I ain't sophi-ti-cated or nothin' but I know whats I likes. So here is a great tip for my legions of reading faithful. I enjoyed a bottle with my neighbor, a great appreciator of wine who had a recent switch to vodka (it wasn't my fault! Ok, yes it was). Peppery, yummy, dare I say even tobaccoey? It was not fruity nor a bit presumptious. I loved it and will happily shell out the ungodly sum it costs to get some more.

Party season is almost over... and I couldn't be happier. It has been suggested that I throw a party - but I don't feel like shelling out the cash and the energy. Ideas?

You all know how much seeing a Beyonce video in the mornings can just start your day off the right way...there is a newish one out and her milkshake is better than mine and yours (click on "Check on It" to view). I'm really not a lesbian, though I would play one on tv, and I am a big fan of gay marriage, too - just a big fan of marriage in general.

In my own marriage, my lesbianistic tendencies were challenged last night. Whilst watching my show, I mentioned to my husband that Evangeline Lily has joined the short but distinctive lists of folks for whom, should they visit our fair town, be available, and want me, he should step aside. He countered with a calm and thoughtful, "Actually, I think we could just all live together and make the thing work just fine." O.K.!

Have I mentioned my yoga class? It has been mentally beneficial and somewhat physically so...I definitely have more upper-body strength, though I continue to laugh inside every time the instructor calmly tells us to put our hand, leg, foot, or hip somewhere crazy. I'm getting a little less shocked after 5 months with this woman, but not much.

This woman is just lovely. I have such a crush on her -she's so pretty and lithe, and she tells me to calm my mind and be in the moment and not judge my own practice. I can't do or not do any of those things without her. I've seen her in the real world twice and once she jokingly? accused me of stalking her. I laughed maniacally as of course I would love to stalk her!!! But I won't. She needs to keep learning and growing as an instructor and I would be an annoyance.

The employees at my health club where I take yoga are evil and mean, and a woman at class today accused me of crowding her (one cannot scowl or even yell "BITCH" at a complaining fellow classmate - that is wayyyy too much negative energy in the room). Still, I look forward to seeing my instructor each time and I feel a bit lost without yoga at least once a week. How lucky am I that I can do yoga...and breathe and laugh and have sex and eat good food and see sunshine and pretty clouds and be with people I love. Lucky, appreciative and aware. That's me.

My seven year-old loves it.... it seemed like a skewed, freaky thing - very Todd Solondz but without feces and incest (although there seemed to be some tension between Kip and Rico).

She's pretty hip, this daughter o' mine, but I have kind of a weird feeling after seeing this flick.

I do like one thing about the Yankees, and it is their hair and beard policy. What self-respecting baseball fan among us likes to see long locks cascading out of a cap? Who needs a five o'clock shadow peeking our from the shadow of the brim? It impedes my viewing enjoyment, though apparently not some players' games.