We went shopping today to replace our newish mattress that was a non-flippable type and sounded like one was rolling over on a bag of potato chips every time we turned. The Mattress Police had to come check out our crap replacement and they said that the mattress was a dud and they gave us money to get another one.

So off we went. We took our son, because he is in that bed as much as we are, what with his evening reading time and his morning snuggle time and his middle of the night needing-comfort time. To find the perfect mattress, I was on my right side, my husband was on his back, and my son was in the middle, making farting noises and kicking us with a swift confidence every 20 seconds or so. It was as realistic a test run as we're going to get.