Happy Valentine's Day! Mine has been bleak due to the illness and vomit-cleaning and paying thousands of dollars to heating and air concerns. But the children are sweet to me and to each other, my hubby brought me a lava rock flower plant (presented with a comforting poem in which he rhymed "ca-ca" with "shaka"), and only three children showed up to choir tonight! So not so bad all in all.

For those scrambling for some Valentine's fun tonight, here's a very Mimi Smartypants holiday plan:

All that Christian propaganda to the contrary, Valentine's Day was originally a sexy Roman fuckfest, the original Ice-Storm-esque key party, and thus the entire holiday is about pleasure and should be celebrated as such. You do not need to be partnered to indulge either. Throw some conversation hearts into a bottle of vodka (thus forming CONVERSATION VODKA) and load up your favorite porn.