FOR THE SWEDES:

My husband is one quarter Chilean, making him dark, sexy, and full of machismo. Another quarter is South Georgian, making him a lover of collard greens and fried meats. Yet another quarter is midwestern, which is why I love him. And the final quarter is Swedish. The Swedes love them some Christmas. So in celebration of Jul, we'll go over some of the fun traditions of that cold and blustery? land. (Hell, I don't know the weather. I do know Hanna Andersson though.

First, you'll want to make a Santa Lucia crown and hat. Santa Lucia died on the 13th and folks celebrate this Italian saint by letting blonde-haired children walk around with candles in their hair. It's all very special.

Our Swedish relatives enjoy glogg, but not enough to actually drink it...maybe because they are too busy drinking coffee, which they do all day. Real Swedish coffee involves eggs, but I won't discuss that in case bad memories of the Great Salmonella Incident of ought 6 come up. The relatives love to push the lutfisk on you, no matter what time of year. I am sorry I never got to experience the evil fish crap on Christmas Eve, but I have had potato sausage and damn is it good.

I also lurve lingonberries, on everything, especially Swedish pancakes.

Finally, to finish out your Swedish holiday, I recommend you go to a Lutheran church and greet your people. Not a bad group of folk, Lutherans. Garrison is their poster child.

Ok, enough Swedish! I have to get on the ball. I've given you only four or five days of a Whilst Christmas...but there's more to come. Assuming I survive tonight's alcoholic onslaught.